Tag: #DadJokes

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable. In America, using the metric system can get you in legal…

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing. Where do pirates get their hooks? Second hand stores.

How do cows stay up to date? They read the Moo-spaper. What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That’s my stepladder,” he said. “I never knew my real ladder.” What do you call a Frenchman…

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? Because he had a ton of sick beets.

What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays. I just found out I’m colorblind. The news came out of the purple! Did you know your pupils…

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, “I always have a few Twix up my sleeve.”